Friendship in Twenty-Something
When I was a teenager, I often thought that friendship is something beautiful and will last forever. I love my friends so much, the way we joke, the way we share stories, the hangout time, etc. Until one day in my late teens maybe, I read a quote on an article written by @shitlicious (if I am not mistaken) on his blog: "Persahabatan cuma kerasa indahnya sampai umur 20." Another day I got the viral story about friendship, you can read the story HERE, I'm pretty sure everyone knows this viral story. When I received all those stuff, my thought about friendship a little bit changed, what's on my mind was: of course, it will come someday. And..here it comes. The moment when friendship is just something beautiful in your mind, without an intense contact anymore.
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A few days ago, my friend texted me, she felt that her close friend seemed to avoid her. She thought that she has to fix their four years friendship but when she tried to approach her friend by text message, she just ended up being ignored and it's hard for her to meet up because they live in the different city now. She's a little bit shocked with her current friendship life when some close friends seem to disappear. That kind of thing also come to me but, of course in a different way, but I do not feel surprised anymore. I know it will come someday, and..it just it is. I think maybe this is how twenty-something friendship looks like, we will not contact or meet our friend regularly like before. Not because we hate them, but everything just changed.
To be honest, in this past few months, I have so much galau-ness about life, more galau than before. The thing that people called quarter-life crisis and I really wanna share this galauness to someone, but it feels like sooo hard for me to tell them. Because I know, everyone was busy dealing with their own life and maybe they feel the same quarter life crisis too. Once upon a time, I decided to tell someone that I trusted about this galauness because it just so damn nyesek so I needed a partner to share with and I thought this person was the right one, but the response I got was so ruthless, it lead me into disappointment, and it took me down. After a moment, I realized, it must be so uncomfortable hearing me whining while maybe they had some problem with me or even worse, so they gave that kind of response. Or maybe, I just expect too high (eventhough I also didn't know what kind of response I expected to get). I ended up holding all this galauness inside. Because it always hard for me to tell something personal to someone who I didn't intently know.
In our twenties, everyone is busy with their own life. Our childhood friend, oh even our college friend maybe doesn't at the same life stage now. You know, some friends maybe too busy with their job, or have a lot of things to do in their graduate school, or preparing all the stuff for wedding, the other maybe is so happy with newlywed life, other friends maybe juggling between job and the baby, or even maybe some of them still busy finishing their undergraduate thesis. So different life phases, different mental condition, different problems, and maybe distance separate us. When it comes into communication, that different life situation can lead to misunderstanding and uncomfortableness.
I also had a time when I deeply disappointed by my friend that's why I deliberately made a distance from them. I've tried to explain that I do not like to be treated like that cause it's make me sad and he/she ignoring me, sometimes I think that the one who can avoid us from hurt is only ourselves, so I decide to minimalize interaction with them. Not because I hate them, I just can't. I just think that minimal interaction was enough. "Not all friendships are going to last forever. People are going to hurt us and we are going to hurt people who we did not mean to hurt." (I read the bold line in an article.)
So, that's about friendship in my twenty-something. As we grow up, our priorities and responsibilities changed and it affected our friendships. The distance due to working or living in the different city or the schedule that doesn't match each other makes it's hard to meet our friends frequently. We only connect with them on social media. So I think, sometimes it is okay to keep in touch with our friends in social media like congratulate them on their happy moments, give a sincere compliment when they did something great, or showing empathy when something bad happens. Now, even I'm not too close to one friend but I try to leave nice comments in someone interesting post. For me, that's the way to use social media well to connect people. But, when we make time to catch up with our friends or when we meet them in person, it is important for us to wholeheartedly presence. It's also extremely okay to text or call your besties when you suddenly miss them, asking how're you, how's your life. Some people maybe not so good at keeping up the conversation, especially when you both didn't meet each other for a while, but a sincere 'how are you' will never hurt, I think.
Last, I still glad and so grateful that in my twenties I still have some friends who when we meet, we can share our life stories comfortably. They listen to each other, give feedback without judging, and become really supportive. Even we do not meet often, but I always feel "lega" after our long conversation. That's why I always miss them. I also feel blessed cause God sent me a very best friend that I can always rely on :)
Ditulis 15 Mei 2018 | 19.53 WIB
Sengaja pake English biar nggak terlalu 'vulgar' curhatnya.
Mohon maaf kalo bahasanya kacau HEHE.
Silakan dikoreksi yang salah-salah :D
5 comments
what a wonderful thought of you..., i feel the same way, that "galauness" of looking for someone to talk with :)
ReplyDeleteWhen it feels like you can't find someone to talk to, maybe you can try to write it down. Write that galauness. Kalo katanya tulisan di quwots-quwots sihL "Write hard, and clear about what hurt!" :D
DeleteI think the older you are the more you getting picky with people around you. I had someone that was a really good friend at college, even people thought we were twin. But now, we barely not talk each other, just because I think she doesn't deserve my time after she rejected my request to met her, three times. I don't mind loosing one person that once were really a good friend, just because they don't want to put any effort to spend time with me. I guess quality is way much better than quantity int the matter of friendship
ReplyDeleteit feel so real for me now, too. when one by one my friend graduated and now they are pursuing their own dreams in another city even another country. There is not "kumpul kumpul seru" as often as before but it is completely okay. Nice post sis :")
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteIt's okay if we cannot meet our friends as often as before. But I hope when you get the chance to meet them, nothing change and you can enjoy the quality time with them. Cheers~ :D